When Nicole and Myself first broke up. I was a mess. I didnt eat, sleep and most of my nights I sat at home in the dark watching movies or playing xbox. I had constant thoughts of self harm and suicide.
One night My Mother and I were arguing in the car at fountain gate and I told her about these thoughts. She became visually upset and told that no matter what happened, I had to be thier for my sisters. Being in the state that I was in I percieved that as her telling me she was going to run away or kill herself. The last thing I remember is me getting out of the car, the sound of a car horn. and then black.
I "awoke" sitting in my bed, mid conversation with my mother who, regretfully, told me what happened.
After getting out of the car I began walking away, Mum caught up to me and tried to get me to turn around but I shook her off and told her to "leave me the f--k alone" before walking into the middle of a busy round-about and then an intersection. Mum found me sitting outside of Bunnings not moving, just staring straight ahead. After pulling up she begged me to get into the car, but I ignored her. Finally my best friend James' Mother drove down and convinced me to go home with Mum.
When I "awoke" I told Mum that this wasnt the first time this had happened I explained some things that I hoped I would never have to talk about and then I went to bed.
The next day, I was at school and I was called up to see the school counsellor who I eventually told about the previous night. being worried she made an appointment for an assessment at Dandenong hospital that day and I left the school ten minutes later. What I didnt know was that I would never be returning to Hampton Park Secondary College. I had lost the battle, I had been run out of the school and I do not doubt in the slightest that when people began to realise that I wasnt returning, a great big smile emerged upon their faces.
After being asked question after question at dandenong I was finally diagnosed with Depression. I was told that I show Suicidal Tendencies and I have a Dissassociation Disorder. I had never felt so weak.
I began to see a number of psychiatrists & psycologists and now I am seeing someone regularly.
I am also happy to say that I have met someone who has helped me, more than she will ever now. I have no doubt in saying that, If it wasnt for Maddison Fenton. I would not be dealing with all of this as well as I am.
But Maddison is another story.
For another time.
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