it all started with her hips.

You know.
Half the time we have to live with exactly what we have.
So what happens when you lose everything?
Does life become kinda, sorta pointless?
Or does it re-enforce the fact that maybe you should try and get something back. and maybe a little bit more?

In some circumstances, you'll hear all of those people, all of your "friends" tell you all those overused cléche sayings.
"It will be ok"
"Theres plenty more fish in the sea"
"Look at the brightside"
What if a brightside doesnt exist?
And just incase you, the reader, feel the need to answer some/all of these questions.
They are completely rhetorical.

The truth is. Apart of me knew this would happen.
Its never been possible for me to be happy for too long.
Is it me? Do I sabotage my relationships with all people.
Friendships & Romance are completely pointless. I know this.
And yet I cant seem to stay away from them.
Why is it that some people just stop talking to me? Is it without reason? Or am I really that repulsive?

I hate it how Im one of those people who cant just stop feeling.
I cant just shut down as easily as some other people can, I wish I could distance myself from everyone else. Treat the world like a childish science experiment, See what would happen if I backed away.
Or maybe just completely change my personality. Be completely different if every possible way.
Im not strong enough to do all of this.

B u t  a  b o y  c a n  d r e a m .

Being in the same depressing situation all of the time gets so fucking old.
One day its going to become to much.
And Im going to put said experiment into effect.
Somebody hand me a notebook.
and a torch.
Its hard to write in the dark.
And I seriously doubt that I brighten up a dark space so confined.